


Hit Me With Your Best (One) Shot

by thelonebamf



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 21:32:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14578104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelonebamf/pseuds/thelonebamf
Summary: A collection of one shots and drabbles based on suggestions and prompts, mostly from Tumblr.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Are you wearing my underwear?"

“Are you wearing my underpants?” Wade peered down, tilting his head as he scrutinized the black and red undergarments.

“Wh-what? No! These are mine! I bought them!” Peter turned, yanking the waistband of his jeans up quickly even as he looked away. “Why would I wear your underwear?”

Wade rolled his eyes, laughing. “I didn’t mean literally. Not that I’d mind the sight of that. Actually I have these pink and black lacey things that I think might do wonders for the beautiful booty of yours but generally speaking I think any of my clothing would hang off of you like a wet blanket.” He reached out, fingers hooking in the belt loop of Peter’s jeans as he pulled them away from his slim hips to get another look.

“You did! You bought Deadpool boxers!”

“Don’t… don’t make a big deal about it!” Peter huffed, though a familiar blush was already beginning to tint his cheeks. “I just needed some new ones and these were on sale… they come in a three pack and-”

“You got three pairs?” Wade released his grip on Peter’s pants, only for his hands to find their way to his hips. “That’s practically a whole wardrobe in Parker terms! You must be a really big fan.”

“Oh yeah. Huge. I especially love the way he prattles on endlessly when he thinks something is funny and can’t let things go even when his boyfriend practically begs him to.”

“Begging, is it?” There was a brief silence while Wade took a seat on their bed, pulling Peter down to straddle his lap while he lazily kneaded the soft mounds of his ass, coaxing a hesitant but not displeased moan from the other man.

“Please, Wade…”

“Why don’t you tell me the truth?” A playful whisper, just low enough to be dangerous. “You wanted me to see, didn’t you? Wanted to get me riled up and excited by the thought of my face all over you?”

“M-Maybe…” came the hesitant reply.

“Well,” Wade lowered his head, nuzzling gently at the tender skin of Peter’s neck. “As much as I like seeing you in those pretty things…”

“…let’s see how you look out of them.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw some artwork by FionaFu with kid!Spideypool and it inspired me to write this fic! Please check out their artwork!  
> http://fionafuartwork.tumblr.com/post/171598526084/kidsprimary-school-au-i-drew-this-thinking-about

“I mean, doesn’t it make total sense? If you really think about it?”

“Are you telling me this is something you spend a lot of time thinking about?”

“Maybe not at first, but the more I did, the more the pieces started to fall into place and now I feel like it’s my duty to help spread the word. You know what they say, Pete.  _The truth is out there!_ ”

“The truth.”

“Mmhmm!”

“About cows.”

“Yep.”

“And aliens.”

Wade nodded enthusiastically, grin spreading across his face as he looked over at his friend. His gaze quickly turned back out into the far corners of the night, where the twinkling lights of the city mimicked the stars, and he reached out slowly, seeming to will them within his grasp.

“Everybody knows that aliens only ever pick up test subjects from the middle of nowhere, the absolute boonies. When was the last time you heard of anyone getting airlifted by a UFO in New York City?”

Peter bowed his head, hiding a faint smile. “Never, I suppose.”

“Ex-Zact-Lee,” Wade answered with a soft whistle. “It’s too risky. They’d expose themselves in no time. Aliens are no dummies, I mean they built those space ships and traveled all the way across the galaxy to study Earth and steal the secret recipe for Coca-Cola or whatever it is aliens want. They can’t give away their existence with sloppy abductions!”

“So they stick the countryside,” Peter nodded, “picking up lone yokels who nobody is going to believe…”

“Well sure, they do that once in a while, but it’s not the "master plan” so to speak,“ Wade began waving his hands in the air as he spoke, fending off the space ships and invaders in his mind’s eye. "But I think picking up humans is still too much of a threat, and it’s got to take up too much time and energy, grabbing random people one by one. What if they don’t know anything of use? There’s only so many butts you can probe.”

“Gross!” Peter gagged, but it didn’t deter Wade’s rambling at all.

“But if you were as smart as an alien, and I mean I know you are Pete, you’re a regular genius and all, you’d want something more reliable. Eyes and ears on the ground. That sort of thing. But they can’t just go around putting up antennas everywhere, people would notice! They gotta be real sneaky…”

“And that’s where the cows come in?” There was no hiding his smile now.

“They’re docile, quiet, got those big eyes, think about it Pete, they’re perfect! They can walk ride up to a house of the side of the road and nobody cares one bit. They’re just… watching. Always watching. Can’t trust ‘em. Not one little bit.”

“And that’s why we should go get burgers?”

“It’s us or them, Petey!” Wade stood suddenly, unsteady on the creaking steel of the fire escape and for a second Peter thought he might actually fall. He steadied himself before reaching down to offer his friend a hand. “Eat or be eaten! For the good of humanity!”

“Well when you put it that way, I guess we have to.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Can… can I get mine with extra cheese?”

“Heck yeah!” Wade beamed. “Get those suckers coming and going! Double cheese! Triple cheese! Take that, Bessie!”

Peter snorted and within moments the two boys were sliding down the wobbling steps and into the night as the brightest of the stars dared to make themselves known in the sky.


End file.
